


it defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles

by BestDeadFriendsForever



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Canon Era, F/M, M/M, My attempt at the requisite post-series fic, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18750907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestDeadFriendsForever/pseuds/BestDeadFriendsForever
Summary: It was almost as if the two parts of himself, the parts that he’d never imagined would ever meet, were coming together and it was giving James a headache. He wasn’t Flint anymore; he didn’t want to be. But Silver, of course, seemed to be dragging him back into it all. Yet even with the resentment and anger that James still felt for Silver, he felt himself easily slipping back into old habits. It felt familiar and it felt good. It was like returning home.He’d felt the same when he’d stripped Flint away and returned to Thomas.James would now just need to find the balance between Flint and McGraw, between the man Thomas knew and loved and the one Silver knew and betrayed.AKA my take on post-series Silverflint and FlintHamilton and Silvermadi and how they all get tangled





	it defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles

            Thomas let his eyes drift over James where the other was nestled in their bed. In the hazy grey light of early morning, it was almost easy to believe that James wasn’t truly there, that it was all a dream that Thomas would eventually wake up from. Except it would have to be a dream that was capable of spanning three years now, and Thomas had a feeling that not even his imagination could stretch that far. Thomas brushed a hand over James’s hair, which had thankfully grown out again, though he didn’t keep it nearly as long as he had when Thomas had best known him, before he slipped from bed.

            He shuffled around as he moved about making their breakfast. During the familiar routine he had the time to think. He was content with their life in the colonies, but he could tell that James wasn’t. Not completely. He knew that James loved him, but he also knew that something had shifted, not changed necessarily but it was certainly off-balance from where it once had been. Thomas had, at first, attributed it to the loss of Miranda and the sheer amount of time that they’d spent apart. But it wasn’t. Thomas could feel that it wasn’t. At least not just that.

            He was broken out of his thoughts by the soft shuffling that told Thomas that James was awake and moving about. Thomas settled the tea and toast onto their dining table and sat down so he could enjoy it while it was still hot. He’d just taken a sip and settled in his chair when James came out. He was rubbing his eyes as if he was still utterly exhausted.

            “Morning, love,” Thomas said and gave him a smile.

            James cracked a small smile back. “What’re you doing up so early?” James asked as he sat down across from Thomas, their calves brushing under the table, and reached for a piece of toast. Thomas merely shrugged. He usually woke up before James did, an old habit from the plantation that he was yet to shake, but he typically stayed in bed and just soaked in the comfort.

            That morning felt different.

            “I’ve been thinking…” Thomas started carefully and settled his teacup into its saucer.

            James looked up at Thomas through the hair that had fallen into his eyes. He sat down with the toast he’d just taken a bite of and frowned. “About?” James asked, just as carefully.

            “Are you happy?” Thomas asked. He figured it was best to just be blunt.

            James blinked as if Thomas had slapped him. “Thomas-”

            “I mean truly happy, James. You don’t miss anything about your life… before.” Thomas gestured vaguely out towards where he knew the ocean wasn’t far. Thomas had thought they might move farther inland, where there were less people or disturbances and more privacy which Thomas thought James would have wanted, but James had quietly asked if they might stay where they were. Thomas hadn’t pushed, but he’d definitely been curious and one night, unprompted, James confessed that he wasn’t sure he was ready to leave the sea behind. Odysseus wasn’t quite ready to take up the oar. That was when Thomas knew that there was something that James wasn’t telling him.

            “I-” James cut himself off and he ducked his head.

            “I’m not asking to hurt you,” Thomas said, and he hesitated for a moment before he reached out to brush his fingers against the back of James’s hand. “I just want, _desperately_ , for you to be happy. To find peace.”

            James’s shoulders trembled a little as his breathing picked up. He swallowed thickly before he spoke again. “Then I need to tell you a great many things first.” Thomas nodded gently when James didn’t continue. “It all started, really and truly started, when I heard of a Spaniard named Vasquez…”

…..

            Thomas felt well and truly floored at the end of James’s story. It was long and arduous for James to tell and by the end the tea was long since cold and it was closer to lunchtime than breakfast.

            “And your quartermaster?” Thomas asked. James had been very careful to never once give the man a name and Thomas had a small suspicion as to why.

            “I don’t know,” James said, his voice strained and wobbling. “I don’t know what his intentions were after he left me at the plantation. I’m not sure that Madi would have him back, knowing what he’d done, and if she refused… I’m not sure where he would go.”

            Thomas let that sink it. James had talked about this man quite tenderly in the beginning despite the eye rolling and comments about him being a ‘little shit’. It was like that was all put-upon to mask the fondness underneath. But then James’s hands had begun to shake with barely suppressed rage. Now… now he just looked tired and lost.

            “Did you love him?”

            Thomas wasn’t quite sure where the question came from, or why he’d asked it, but he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

            “Does it matter?”

            “It does to me,” Thomas said softly.

            “I think I could have,” James said but then he shook his head. “I did. I know I did but I never let myself think- he was _happy_ with Madi and I was content with that. I didn’t want to- with the war- there wasn’t a moment-” James clamped his jaw shut tightly but Thomas knew precisely what he meant.

            “Would you ever want to- if you could find him, if you knew where he would be, would you go to him?”

            “I am content here with _you_. That’s more than I could have expected,” James said and took hold of Thomas’s hand.

            “But is it _enough_?” Thomas asked. He didn’t ask out of jealousy or anger. He was genuinely surprised to find that he didn’t feel even a shred of those emotions, but perhaps it was different when the man was a concept instead of solid flesh and blood.

            James seemed to be unable to find the answer to that.

            “What if- and I’m not saying that we must if it isn’t what you want- but what if we tried to find him?” Thomas asked and stroked his thumb over James’s knuckles.

            “He wouldn’t want to see me,” James said and pulled his hand away to pick at the stray thread on his sleeve.

            “Why not?” Thomas asked with a frown. “It seemed to me that he only brought you here because he thought it was what you would have wanted.”

            “Thomas, you don’t know him like I do- _did_.” James grit his teeth.

            “Perhaps not,” Thomas said. “But I know what it’s like to love you, James. I know what it’s like to miss you. I spent ten years doing it.”

            “It’s not the same.” James shifted in his seat. “John didn’t love me.”

            _John_.

            It was such a plain name for such a complex man.

            “That doesn’t sound anything like the man you just told me about.” Thomas gave James a long look that had James shifting in his seat again. “But the decision is, of course, purely up to you, my love.” Thomas got up and pressed a kiss to James’s forehead.

            They went about their day as if the conversation had never happened. Though Thomas could tell that James was distracted. He was thinking, considering. Thomas was relieved that he wasn’t just dismissing it all out of hand.

            It was weeks before it was brought up again. They were both in bed, reading, when James marked his page with a ribbon before shutting the book. He set it down in his lap calmly. Thomas took a moment to finish his paragraph before he set his finger in the book to keep his place.

            “How would we do it?” James asked.

            It took a moment before Thomas caught up. “Well, I suppose we could call on his wife. She should know where he is, don’t you think?”

            “It’s worth a try,” James said.

            “We’ll find him, James,” Thomas said and leaned in so their shoulders were pressed together.

…..

            They booked passage to Havana as soon as they settled their affairs. A few of their neighbors were going to tend to Thomas’s small garden and the animals while they made their way to Havana and then from there to Maroon Island.

            Thomas didn’t love being on a ship. The only time he’d been on a prolonged voyage was when he’d been transported from Bedlam to the colonies. It certainly hadn’t been a pleasant journey. He shuddered at the thought but tugged his jacket closer to pass it off as a chill.

            James didn’t stumble while walking across the deck like Thomas did. He was perfectly in his element as he made his way across the deck and talked to the men working the ship. Thomas made his clumsy way up to the deck where James was leaning against the railing. Thomas watched him for a while, and he smiled as he moved to stand beside him. “You look happy.”

            “Hm?” James looked over and Thomas’s hands itched to move the locks of red hair from James’s eyes. It wasn’t quite long enough to tie back the way James told him he once had.

            “You look happy,” Thomas repeated. “Must have something to do with where we are.”

            “Must have,” James said with a smile. It was brighter than anything than Thomas had seen in three years. They stood there for a while longer until the sun started to sink down. Then James took Thomas’s hand in his. “Come on, we should get some rest. We’ll be there soon.”

…..

            James hadn’t ever stopped in Havana. He’d seen it from the deck of the _Walrus,_ but it wasn’t exactly a friendly port for pirates and Captain Flint didn’t bother with forging papers. When he and Thomas stepped onto the streets, James told Thomas that they could stay there a night before finding a ship to sail their way to the Maroon Camp.

            They walked over to an inn that was populated with sailors of various origins. Thankfully, Thomas’s Spanish was much better than James’s so he could speak to the inn keep about arranging a room and about where they might find a ship.

            “Are you sure this is a good idea?” James asked once they were settled.

            “Not at all,” Thomas said.

            James looked over at him and scowled. “Then why-?”

            “Because it’s what we should do,” Thomas said and looked up at him. “Do you not want to find him?” Thomas asked patiently.

            “I… I do,” James hesitated and twisted his hands in the hem of his shirt. Ever since he and Thomas had spoken, and the truth about Silver had finally come out, James had felt a sort of buzzing under his skin. It was like a part of him, the part of him he had tried so desperately to leave behind when he’d given Captain Flint back to the ocean, was reaching out for its missing piece, for Silver. He couldn’t quite explain that to Thomas, but he had a feeling Thomas already understood. If this trip was anything to go by.

            “Tomorrow will be a long day,” James said as he got up and moved to sit on the edge of Thomas’s bed. Outside of the privacy of their own home, where James was sure he could protect the two of them, they’d agreed to sleep separately. Thomas leaned over to give James a goodnight kiss.

            “I love you,” Thomas said and bumped their noses together gently.

            “And I love you,” James said before standing and going to lay in his own bed.

…..

            By late morning they had a small skiff and the supplies to make their trip. James was finishing up with getting it ready, and Thomas was watching from the dock. “You know,” Thomas said quietly as he watched James walking back and forth to secure the sails, “I’ve never seen you sail before.”

            James paused and he looked over at Thomas and cracked a small smile. “I hope you haven’t been imagining anything too grand because I’m sure I’ll let down your lofty expectations. Especially on this.” James gestured to their ship. Thomas snorted and shook his head. James couldn’t help but feel warm all over. Thomas looked beautiful. His hair was shining golden around his head and James’s hands itched to touch. “Come on,” he said and held his hand out to help Thomas. “If we’re going to go, we better start. The less time we’re sailing at night, the better.” Thomas took the offered hand and James got him settled before he moved to get them underway.

            James had forgotten the crystalline focus that he had when he was sailing. It was like second nature. He didn’t have to think about anything other than correcting the course. It gave him the time and space that he needed to calm the nerves that were trying to choke him.

            He nearly jumped out of his skin when Thomas spoke. “Have you thought about what you want to say to him?” Thomas asked and turned the page of the book he’d brought along with him.

            “No,” James admitted.

            “Doesn’t quite sound like you,” Thomas teased.

            James just shrugged and tried not to chew his already chapped bottom lip. “I suppose I don’t know where to start.”

            “The beginning is always a good place to start,” Thomas pointed out. James hummed as he fiddled with the rigging. “I think it matters less what you say and more the intentions behind what you’re saying. Things between us didn’t come back together perfectly in the beginning. It was working to find our balance again. Why should it be any different with John?”

            Hearing Silver’s name fall from Thomas’s lips felt so strange. It was almost as if the two parts of himself, the parts that he’d never imagined would ever meet, were coming together and it was giving James a headache. He wasn’t Flint anymore; he didn’t _want_ to be. But Silver, of course, seemed to be dragging him back into it all. Yet even with the resentment and anger that James still felt for Silver, he felt himself easily slipping back into old habits. It felt familiar and it felt _good_. It was like returning home.

            He’d felt the same when he’d stripped Flint away and returned to Thomas.

            James would now just need to find the balance between Flint and McGraw, between the man Thomas knew and loved and the one Silver knew and betrayed.

…..

            Madi had taken to walking along the beach to think.

            Her time with the pirates had left its mark on her and now when she needed solace, she found it in the rhythmic noise and flow of the waves. The smell of salt grounded her and, somehow, made her feel more connected with the spirit of her father.

            It made no sense, but Madi had resigned herself to never completely understanding that part of herself. The part of her that missed Flint despite their differences in the past. The part of her that longed for John despite everything he had done to her and her people. The part of her that still rebelled.

            So she walked and she thought.

            Usually she was alone, she had refused another guard after what had happened to Kofi at the hands of Woodes Rogers, and she _was_ alone until she turned a bend in the landscape and saw two men pulling a boat onto the shore. One man she couldn’t see well because of the sail that was still catching the wind, but the other man was tall, thin and had very fair hair.

            “How did you find this place?!” Madi demanded, keeping her distance from the two men but knowing that her voice was carrying clearly over to them.

            The tall man with the light hair turned to look at her with a shocked expression. Madi held herself tall, though she was quite small compared to him, and narrowed her eyes. “Well, ma’am, _that_ is an excellent question-”

            “Thomas, be quiet.” Madi froze at the familiar voice. It couldn’t be. She blinked as the other man stepped out from behind the sail and she was greeted with the sight of James Flint. He was changed, he looked much lighter than when she had last seen him, and his hair was no longer shaved close to his head but falling into his eyes in soft copper waves. Madi couldn’t help but note that he was much handsomer this way.

            Before she’d given it a thought, she was running to him and she all but threw herself into his arms. He caught her easily, but her momentum threw them backwards into the sand. She pushed herself up on her hands so she could look at him. “I cannot believe this. You’re alive.”

            “Why wouldn’t I be?” Flint asked and he was smiling- _smiling_ \- from underneath her.

            “I feared the worst after- after what John did.” Madi’s tone was darker as she pulled away so that Flint could sit up properly. “He told me you were alive but… I was not sure that I believed him.”

            “I’m alive and well,” Flint said and held out his arms as if to display that fact.

            “I can see that,” she said and moved to tuck a lock of his hair behind his ear. “And who is this?” She turned her eyes to the man standing beside them and smiling all the while through her exchange with Flint.

            Flint’s smile deepened, something that Madi could scarcely wrap her head around, as he gestured between them. “Madi, this is Thomas Hamilton. Thomas, this is Miss Madi Scott.”

            “A pleasure, ma’am,” The man- Thomas- said as he offered her his hand. She took it and, to her surprise, he kissed the back of it instead of shaking it like she’d been expecting. Flint snorted and when she glanced at him, he was rolling his eyes fondly. Now that was a look she recognized.

            She frowned slightly as she took in the sight of the two men together. She felt a small pinprick of guilt at having assumed that John had killed Flint. He’d been telling the truth when he’d told her about Thomas Hamilton. “Let’s get this secured so that you can tell me everything.” Her voice was much more serious than she’d have liked it to be, but she had a great many questions she needed to ask the two of them. Flint, sensing the shift in tone, nodded just as gravely and they both got up, brushed the sand off their clothes, and went to work.

…..

            “That’s how we escaped the plantation,” Flint said quietly, his eyes focused on her ear so that it would appear like he was looking her in the face but without actually having to. She’d quickly picked up on that trick that Flint had in common with her John. “We found a nice little place to live along the coastline and we’ve been living there ever since.”

            “I’m glad that you found the contentment you were searching for,” Madi said genuinely. A part of her was envious of the obvious comfort that Flint- James, now- had found. He frowned, just for a split second, and then nodded.

            “I wouldn’t have without…” Flint faltered and Madi’s hands clenched on the table almost reflexively.

            “Without John,” she said, venom dripping off of his name without her conscious decision to put it there. She looked away from the two men across from her table and out over the village. People went about their days as if nothing had happened. As if they hadn’t been so close to freedom and then had it taken away by one man.

            “He’s not here, is he?” Flint asked.

            Madi hummed, thinking of how to explain it. “Not always, no. And certainly not now.” She turned her head just enough to be able to look at him. “After what he did, I was so angry with him. He had taken so much from me, without understanding what it meant, and I was hurt. I told him that I could not forgive him, that I would not.” She swallowed thickly at the memory. “He told me he would wait as long as I required. That he would do anything to make it right, so I told him to leave.”

            “You banished him?”

            “For a time, I did. Despite my anger, despite my disappointment… I still loved him, but I could not bear to look at him. Yet he was still my husband.” It was not the typical arrangement that John and Flint’s people had, but it was special to her and John had understood that. He had accepted it and his place at her side. “So, we tried. Tried to make things work despite our differences, but eventually the past would always have its say.” Madi shrugged helplessly. “We would fight, he would leave for a time, but he’d always make his way back here.”

            “When was the last time you saw him?” Thomas asked, covering Flint’s hand with his own.

            “Not long ago, but we fought, as we so often do when we spend time with one another.” Madi sighed tiredly and rubbed at her forehead. “At least now I know where he goes. He owns a tavern in Bristol. Runs it mostly himself.”

            Flint seemed to stiffen at the mention of England and Madi couldn’t blame him. She knew of his complicated and ugly history with the country of his birth.

            “Perhaps-” Thomas began, trying to look hopeful.

            “No,” Flint said definitively, shaking his head. “I won’t set foot back in that place. I’d rather die.”

            “But, love-”

            “Thomas, I said _no_.” It was sharp and Thomas winced a little at the tone that was all too familiar to Madi but mostly likely foreign to him. Flint sucked in a shaky breath before getting to his feet. “I need some air. Excuse me.” He nodded to Madi before rushing out. Madi watched him go and then turned to Thomas Hamilton.

            “He came to see John? Why?” Madi asked. She would have thought that Flint reuniting with John would be the last thing the former captain would have wanted.

            Thomas gave her a weak smile. “I don’t think that’s quite my story to tell.” His eyes looked lost as he stared at the space where Flint had disappeared.

            “He will be alright. He just needs time to cool his temper,” Madi assured and reached out to pat Thomas’s hand before standing. “John has always had that effect on him.”

            “Is that so?”

            “Has he not told you?” Madi asked. “When they were of a like mind, it seemed like nothing could stop them- or come between them- but they were rarely ever of a like mind, not truly anyway.” She shook her head. “They were like children. They would constantly squabble with each other, poke at old wounds when they ran out of compelling arguments to persuade the other to agree, and then storm away from one another. It would only take a short while before they came back, grumbling what were supposed to be apologies but were poor excuses for them, and then they would work together.”

            “I wish I could have seen it. They seem to have been quite the pair,” Thomas said wistfully.

            “They were striking,” Madi admitted. Thomas hummed thoughtfully and Madi couldn’t help but smile at the intelligent and mischievous spark in the man’s eyes.

…..

            When James came back, his eyes were less clouded, and he wasn’t twitching with agitation like he had been earlier. Thomas and Madi both looked up from where they’d been studying something together when he walked in. “Love,” Thomas said softly, moving away from Madi and wrapping his arms around James’s shoulders.

            “I’m fine,” James mumbled into Thomas’s neck, but he knew that Thomas would see through his flimsy excuse.

            “Would you like to hear what Miss Scott and I came up with?” Thomas asked and smoothed his hand over James’s hair.

            “Thomas, _please_ -” James said, his voice strained with something akin to pain.

            “Flint, if you would just listen,” Madi said and set her hand between James’s shoulder blades. “Let’s sit.”

            Thomas moved to sit down, and he tugged James down so that James was seated between the V of Thomas’s legs. Madi didn’t spare them a second glance as she shifted what they’d been looking at over to where James could see it.

            It was a letter in Madi’s handwriting. A letter addressed to John.

            James looked up at Madi and frowned. “What-?”

            “I have lines of communication with John. If I wrote to him, he would come back- come home. But I will not call him back if you do not want me to do so.” Madi’s face was serious and she tapped her finger onto the edge of the paper.

            James looked back down to the paper and took a breath. He leaned into the soft pressure of Thomas’s hand on his waist. He tilted his head so that he could catch Thomas’s eye. Thomas just gave him the same warm smile that made James’s heartbeat thrum through his whole body.

            “Can I think about it?” James asked, his voice quiet and wavering.

            Madi nodded. “Of course.”

…..

            Thomas watched James in the flickering light of the candle next to the bed they were sharing. He was staring at the ceiling with a blank sort of expression that had Thomas’s pulse kicking up in alarm. “Love…” Thomas said quietly and brushed his fingers against James’s arm delicately. “Where are you?” Thomas asked quietly and pressed a kiss to James’s shoulder.

            That seemed to break James out of whatever state he’d been in. “I’m here,” he said and turned his face towards Thomas’s so he could brush a kiss to Thomas’s forehead.

            “Are you?” Thomas asked and pulled away. There was no bite to his tone.

            “Thomas-” James started, already sensing the direction this conversation was going to go.

            “Why didn’t you just have Miss Scott send the letter?” Thomas asked. “We came all this way to see him and now you’re acting as if you’re…” Thomas faltered as it occurred to him. “Are you scared, James?”

            James’s nose wrinkled in the way it did when Thomas had perfectly pinned him.

            “Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe- just _maybe_ \- he’s missed you as much as you’ve missed him?” Thomas asked. He didn’t want to push James too far too fast with this, but sometimes he needed it. In this moment, Thomas missed Miranda sharply. She’d always been better at navigating these types of matter, especially with James.

            “I doubt it, Thomas,” James said, and he said it with such an air of finality. Thomas clenched his jaw for a moment, not wanting to end the conversation there, but he acquiesced. James would come to his senses soon enough.

            They lay there for a long time and just listened to the noise around them. There were people still milling around, talking, and there were the sounds of the bugs and the animals, and, of course, faintly in the distance there was the sound of the ocean. Eventually, Thomas heard James’s breathing even out in sleep. It settled him, but part of him couldn’t relax enough to sleep. He quietly got out of bed and shuffled his way to the door. He needed to take a walk so he could have space and time to think.

            He had, obviously, never met John Silver before, but he was sure that he was right. Even if John only cared for James a fraction of the amount that James cared for him. John was the missing piece that James was looking for, and Thomas was determined to help him find it so James could have the peace he’d fought so hard for.

            “Mr. Hamilton.” Thomas’s head snapped up and, despite knowing good and well he was safe, his heart slammed against his ribs. It was Madi.

            “Please, just Thomas will do,” Thomas said and gave her a smile that he didn’t quite feel despite already liking her very much.

            “Thomas,” Madi said with a soft smile. “I would have thought you would be sleeping. It’s late,” she said and looked up at the sky. Thomas looked up as well and he shrugged.

            “Couldn’t sleep. Fancied a walk.”

            “I was having the same problem. Perhaps we could walk together?” Thomas looked at her to find her glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

            “I’d like that,” Thomas said, and his smile warmed into something much more genuine.

            She slipped her arm through his and Thomas’s breath caught a little at having her suddenly so close. They started walking and they were silent for a long time. She seemed just as preoccupied as Thomas felt.

            “Captain Flint has always been difficult,” she said finally. “When I knew him, it seemed all he wanted was to watch the world burn for what it had done to him, done to you.” Madi’s voice was quiet and Thomas found himself pulled in by the soft cadence of her voice. “He was a broken man. When John brought him to you, I feared that my husband had killed him. I couldn’t imagine why Flint would give up his war, the war he fought in your name though it only passed his lips once in his story to John, and leave the sea.”

            “He didn’t,” Thomas said. “He just traded it for a different kind of war.”

            Madi hummed and she patted Thomas’s arm as if to console him. “I’m not sure what it will be like when he and John reunite.”

            “You truly think James will agree?”

            “You are unsure?”

            “Perhaps a bit,” Thomas said. “James would tie himself into knots to try and convince himself that he could be happy with me in the colonies. He had for a while. He’s always been too noble and self-sacrificing. I hope, just this once, that he will be selfish but… I wonder if he’s not too world weary to try.”

            “Flint and John are very different men, but I believe that they are like the waves and the shore,” Madi said. “No matter how far away they might get away from each other, they will always come back to one another because they need each other.”

            “You’re an extraordinary woman, Miss Scott,” Thomas said sincerely.

            “If I’m to call you Thomas, then Madi will be fine,” she said.

            “I should get back,” Thomas said reluctantly.

            “As should I. Thank you for walking with me.”

            “The pleasure was all mine,” Thomas said, and she rolled her eyes fondly before getting on her toes to brush a kiss to his cheek. “Goodnight, Madi.”

            “Goodnight, Thomas.”

…..

            Madi was writing orders to be dispatched so some of her agents when Flint came in and sat down heavily across from her. She kept scribbling on the paper for a moment, served him right for being so short with her yesterday, then she carefully set everything aside and fixed him with a stern look. “How can I help you?”

            Flint gave her a sour look before sighing. “I would appreciate if you would send that letter to… _him_.”

            “You’re sure? Once it is done, it cannot be undone,” Madi said. “And he will come. It may take days or weeks, but the end result will be the same: you will have to see him again.”

            “I’m not sure at all, but it seems a waste of mine and Thomas’s time for this to have been for nothing. And-” he cut himself off but then continued “-and I want to see him.” She smiled at him then and took his hand in hers.

            “I’ll have it sent.” She dropped his hand so she could pull it out of the stack of papers on her desk. She folded it and set it onto the pile that would be dispatched to England. Flint got up and he was about leave when Madi spoke again. “He missed you as well, though he’d never admit to it.” Flint glanced back at her and nodded once before he left, his boots thudding on the stairs.

            Madi was going through the stores inventories when she heard someone coming. She glanced up and it was her mother. Madi frowned slightly as her mother’s face was marred with a scowl. “Mother?”

            “What are you doing?”

            Madi looked at her desk and gestured silently though she was sure that wasn’t what her mother was referring to.

            “Madi-”

            “Mother-” Madi muttered and shook her head.

            “I thought we were done with all of this. I thought you were finished after what Mr. Silver did?” Her mother’s harsh tone wrapped around John’s name stung and Madi looked away.

            “It’s not the same.”

            “They shouldn’t be here,” Madi’s mother said and narrowed her eyes. “Flint is trouble and I don’t want him jeopardizing our work here.”

            “He’s not here for any of that,” Madi said sharply. “He is here for John and that is all.” Her mother’s eyes widened in indignation and Madi ducked her head in shame at how she was acting. “Put your trust in me, Mother. Please.”

            “I trust you,” her mother said softly. “It’s _them_ I don’t trust.” With that her mother stormed out and Madi was left to slump like a puppet with its strings cut. She shook it off and gathered her papers to dispatch her orders. She made her way through the village and handed out the necessary things to who needed them before she made her way to the shore. There was a small ship with the crew that Flint had trained, those who had survived, getting ready to leave.

She traced her thumb over the letter to John tenderly before she handed it over. “Take this to my husband.” The man ducked his head respectfully before going back to what he was doing. Madi watched on the shore until the ship left and she lingered even until it disappeared on the horizon. “Come home to us, John,” Madi said to the waves as if it would carry all the way to him.

…..

            John whistled as he gathered up the dirty dishes from the table that a group of sailors had just vacated. With his crutch, it was a bit of a challenge, but he’d learned to manage. He set them into the basin of warm water and set about cleaning them since he had a quick moment.

            The work of the tavern was constant and for that John was grateful. It didn’t give him time to think or for his ghosts to catch up with him. Some nights, when he was alone, he would swear he saw Flint or Billy or the faces of others that he knew to be gone. It unsettled him. It made his blood go cold. He shoved that feeling away as he plunged his hands in the warm water and started scrubbing.

            He set them aside to dry when he heard the familiar sound of shuffling feet signaling that someone was waiting for him. He turned, a smile on his face, but it fell when he saw the familiar face of one of Madi’s men. “What can I do for you, friend?” John asked, playing stupid.

            “A letter for you, Mr. Silver,” the man said and held it out. John immediately recognized Madi’s handwriting on the outside.

            “Ah,” John said and wiped his wet hands on his apron before taking the folded piece of paper. “Just the letter?” John asked resignedly. He tried not to be bitter at Madi’s letters since they usually were her requests for him to come home. It felt like her calling him to heel like a rowdy child or a dog.

            “Just the letter, sir,” he said though he shifted uncomfortably. John noted the movement and thought about pressing, the man was young enough that John could probably still intimidate him, but he let it go.

            “Thank you.” John tucked the letter into the waistband of his breeches.

            The man nodded and eyed where the letter was poking out before leaving. John turned his thoughts elsewhere. He had dinner to serve.

…..

            John fell into bed and the crinkling sound of paper reminded him of the letter that he had completely forgotten about. He tugged it out of his waistband before settling to open it and read it.

_John,_

_It is time for you to come home. I miss you, but not only that. Someone is waiting for you. Someone that, if you would just be honest with yourself, you have been waiting for as well. Flint has come looking for you._

            John felt a spike of panic at reading that sentence but he pushed on.

_Flint has come looking for you. The two of you need to speak and I think you will be interested in what he has to say to you._

_As always: all my love,_

_Madi_

            John frowned as he read it over again. He wondered why Madi would tell him this. He supposed it was important. He flipped the letter over, almost expecting there to be something in Flint’s familiar scrawl, but there was nothing. John chewed his lip and traced his fingers over Madi’s writing.

            _Flint has come looking for you._

            What did that mean? Was Flint looking for some kind of revenge? He doubted that Madi, no matter how angry with him she was, would send for him if that were the case. Then why? Why now? It had been three years. There were so many questions bouncing around in John’s head and he knew there was only one way to get answers.

            He would have to return and face the ghosts of his former life.

…..

            Keeping Flint busy with things around the camp had been the best idea that Madi had ever had. For the first days after the letter had been dispatched, he’d stalked the village like a caged animal. The scowl on his face had been enough to scare even the sturdiest of men. Not even Thomas had been able to soothe him, and Madi knew how hard he’d been trying.

            Madi remembered someone, perhaps John but it might have been Flint himself, mentioning that Flint had some skills in carpentry, so she’d started there. The village needed to be expanded and so there were a group of men, a smaller group than Madi would have liked, with experience in building. Madi introduced Flint to them and heavily implied that he should work with them.

            Flint had taken Madi’s suggestion to heart and so he’d filled his days with manual labor and his foul mood had lifted. Madi had been relieved to see him at least focused if not content. She knew there would be no peace for him until he and John had set eyes on each other once more and come to terms with what that meant.

            The night was slowly starting to creep in when Thomas came to see her. She had been readying for bed and he seemed sheepish to have caught her in such a moment. He gestured over his own shoulder before she could speak. “I could come back tomorrow?”

            “Please sit,” Madi said. She hadn’t had much time to speak with Thomas Hamilton. He was quieter and more reserved that Madi would have expected from John’s second-hand description of the man, but it had been a long time.

            “Thank you,” Thomas said, and he settled on a nearby chair and just stared down at the worn toes of his boots as if they held the answers to all the questions he was clearly holding back.

            “I don’t think you came here just to enjoy my company,” Madi pointed out to prompt him into speaking.

            “Not quite,” Thomas admitted and lifted his eyes.

            Madi was struck by how blue they were. They weren’t the same shade of blue as John’s, a blue that was like a flash of lightning in a stormy sky, but they were comforting to look into, like the sky on a relatively calm day. She could easily have imagined herself falling in love with those eyes and she understood why Flint had done so.

            “I’m not a jealous man,” Thomas said slowly, obviously weighing his words before speaking them. “I am infinitely happy that James found himself someone that he could care for while I was… absent.” Thomas glanced down at his feet. “He’s told me absolutely nothing of your John, and I have to admit that curiosity had gotten the better of me. I would ask James but given his temper lately…” Thomas trailed off and gave Madi a sheepish smile.

            Madi just smiled at him softly. “Well, when I first met him-” she started with a fond tone of exasperation as she thought about how she and John had first met and how they’d fallen in love.

…..

            James hadn’t been sure what to expect when Madi came to him and told him that Silver’s ship had been spotted. In less than two hours he would be on the shore and back in James’s life. Three years simultaneously felt like an entire age and a mere moment. James had stayed up on the cliffs while Madi and Thomas slowly made their way down to the shore where Madi knew Silver would land.

            He felt much like he did when the crew were coming up on a prize and he’d been unsure whether or not they’d be able to take it. It was an eerie sort of calm that buzzed with anticipation. He took a breath and made his way down to the shore once he deemed Silver close enough.

            He’d just come to stand behind Madi and Thomas when Silver hopped out of the ship, little more than a longboat in truth, and moored it. James’s breath caught in his throat and his heart hammered in his chest as Silver, with a new boot to help him walk despite still carrying his crutch, made his uneven way closer. He hadn’t yet lifted his eyes from the area just in front of him.

            James slipped between Thomas and Madi and made his way over to Silver. Silver looked up for a split second, his eyes widening and his mouth opening to say something, before James’s fist- which had been clenched hard at his side as he’d made his way over- hit him square in the chin hard enough to send him falling over backwards so he was sprawled on his back in the sand.

            James wanted to curse Silver until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

…..

            John had certainly not been expecting to see Flint standing there when he got home. But he’d only been given a moment of shock before he’d been sent sprawling, his face throbbing. Without thinking about the consequences, he struck out with his crutch and hooked it around Flint’s leg so he could unbalance the other. In a practiced maneuver, he had Flint on his back and then they were rolling about in the sand trying to land blows on each other. They were like a pair of squabbling schoolboys.

            “Enough!” Madi’s voice was not so much a shout, but forceful enough to knock some sense into the two of them.  John felt a spike of panic as he looked at the unimpressed expression on her face. “John,” she said softly, her expression smoothing out, and held out her hand for him. He pushed himself up and with a final look to Flint he got up and walked over to her. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her temple as if that could erase what had just happened.

            Flint was looking at a rather tall man who was just standing there with a disapproving twist to his mouth. He turned to John and offered his hand. “Mr. Silver, a pleasure. Thomas Ham- Thomas McGraw.”

            “John Silver, obviously my reputation proceeds me,” Silver said, ignoring the pause in the other’s speech and shaking Thomas’s hand. He pulled away so that he could rub at the throbbing spot on his face with a wince.

            “Very much so.” Thomas said with an easy smile that gave nothing away. He was even more closed off in his expression than Flint once had been. He turned his eyes back to where Flint was still there in the sand, his torso twisted so that he was looking at them. “James…” Thomas said and tilted his head towards John meaningfully.

            Flint didn’t say a word. He just got up and stalked off like he’d the been the one punched in the jaw upon his arrival. Instinctively, even after all this time apart, John lurched to go after him, but Madi placed a gentle hand on his arm to stop him. A part of John snapped at that soft touch.

            “Did you do this to hurt me?” John asked, turning to look at Madi. He knew the betrayal had to be written all across his face.

            Madi was completely calm. “ _I_ have never done anything to hurt _you_ , John.”

            The rebuke stung a bit. “But then… why?” John demanded, feeling suddenly as if he’d been cornered.

            “He misses you, despite that little display,” Thomas said but he wasn’t looking at John. His eyes were trained on the spot where Flint had disappeared.

            “He’s sure got a funny fucking way of showing it,” John said and rubbed at his jaw.

…..

            Thomas wasn’t exactly surprised at the way that James lashed out at John. He wished that James hadn’t done it, the punch was hard enough that even mere moments after its landing, John’s chin was darkening with a bruise.

            “I should go after him,” Thomas said to Madi.

            “Don’t. He’ll come back when he’s no longer so upset.” Madi gave him a reassuring smile. “Seeing John must have brought up quite a few painful things for him.” Madi looped her arm through Thomas’s and tugged at him. “Come. There’s no use waiting here.”

            Thomas couldn’t help but find his curiosity piqued at finally seeing the mysterious man that had so thoroughly captured James’s heart for so long. Thomas could admit that John wasn’t exactly what he’d been expecting.

            He was handsome, of course, but he was shorter than Thomas had imagined. He was, in fact, much younger and wilder than Thomas had imagined if he was being totally honest with himself. But he could understand James’s attraction. John had a strong build and his eyes were alight with intelligence and perhaps, in past days, a bit of mischief.

            They walked in a tense silence, John a few steps ahead of them with his uneven gait. Thomas was impressed with how gracefully he moved even with the crutch tucked under his left arm.

            Thomas left go of Madi’s arm with a smile before he lengthened his stride so that he and John were next to each other. John glanced at him and Thomas saw a flash of confusion and apprehension before John quickly masked it with indifference. “I wondered if we might have a word, Mr. Silver,” Thomas said and kept his tone as light as possible.

            “About?” John asked.

            “James.”

            “There’s nothing to talk about,” John said defensively, a grimace marring his face.

            “I think there’s a great deal to talk about,” Thomas said, mostly just in the spirit of being contrary, and folded his hands behind his back. “I have to admit I know so very little of the man that you knew as Captain Flint. I wondered if, perhaps, you wouldn’t mind telling me about him.” Thomas glanced at John out of the corner of his eye.

            “Why?” John asked. “Has Flint not told you himself?”

            “I fear James has been rather tight-lipped about the decade during our separation. I’m not asking you to betray any sort of trust that exists between the two of you, if there is such a thing,” Thomas added in a bit of revenge for the obvious hurt that John had inflicted upon James, “but I have to admit it’s something that I believe only you can give me.”

            John stopped and Thomas stopped as well.

            “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but kindly _fuck off_!” John snapped.

            “John!” Madi admonished with a hint of shock in her voice.

            Thomas waved off her concern. “It’s alright,” Thomas reassured and tucked his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “Let me make something perfectly clear, Mr. Silver,” Thomas said, narrowing his eyes slightly, “I have no desire to get into the middle of you and James’s childish dispute. I don’t know the full extent of what occurred between the two of you, James hasn’t told me, and I don’t need or want to know. If it was meant for me, James would have told me so. This is about what is best for him. So, if you could kindly, get the _fuck_ over yourself.” Thomas had to admit that he was satisfied at the slightly shocked expression on John’s face.

            Madi burst into a fit of giggles but quickly stifled it.

…..

            It had been days since the brawl on the beach and Madi found herself annoyed that no one had seen Flint since, including an increasingly worried Thomas. Madi had a feeling she knew precisely where Flint had gone, but she had hoped that he would come back on his own. When it was apparent that that was not going to be the case, she gathered up her skirts and made the familiar trek up to the cliffs where Flint had once taught John to fight.

            He was sitting with his legs dangling over the edge and his eyes fixed on the spot where he’d once told John that Nassau was- just beyond the horizon. He didn’t look over when she sat down next to him. They didn’t talk, just both watched the waves and breathed in the salty tang of the breeze as if wafted up to meet them. She glanced over for a moment when Flint rested his head on her shoulder. She rubbed his back in what she hoped was a consoling manner.

            “I missed him,” Flint finally said.

            “As did I.”

            “And yet I’m still so angry with him.”

            “As am I a lot of the time,” Madi said with a wry laugh.

            “How do you do it?” Flint asked and he lifted his head from her shoulder to look at her with hurt shining brightly in his eyes.

            Madi thought about it. Sometimes she couldn’t bear it- bear to look at him and see all reminders of what had happened- but then he did something that reminded her of all the good times, the reasons that she loved him.

            She cracked a small smile as she looked at him. “I just- love him.”

            His breath was shaky as he sucked it in and then let it out. “Yeah… me too.”

            She rubbed his back again and they watched the repetitive rolling of the waves as they crashed into the sand. Madi tugged on the back of his shirt. “Come. We can’t sit out here watching the waves all day. It’s past time that you two talked.”

            Flint nodded and they stood. “He’s not upset?”

            Madi snorted and shook her head. “Oh no, you didn’t get off so easy. He’s angrier than a wet tomcat, but you will just have to take your punishment, Flint.” Flint laughed at that and shook his head. “And even though he may not admit it, he missed you very much as well. I’m not sure John ever truly had another friend than the men on your crew and, of course, you.”

            Flint nodded solemnly and together they made their way back into the village.

…..

 James took her hand when they arrived and brought it up to kiss before he dropped it and made his way to where Silver had always lived- when not with Madi in her room- and knocked on the doorframe before stepping inside.

            “Madi, I told you-” Silver said and he turned from the small mirror to look at James. “Oh, fuck _you_!” James would always be thankful that John put down the razor and picked up his crutch to throw at him. He easily side-stepped it so it clattered against the wall.

            “I just wanted to talk,” James said and held his hands up in surrender.

            Silver’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t throw anything else. James cautiously walked over so he could lean his hip against the table where John was sitting.

            “Not that you didn’t earn it, but I’m sorry about that,” James said and tentatively reached out to brush the backs of his fingers over the dark bruise that mottled Silver’s chin and swollen lip. Silver’s shoulders tensed but he didn’t move away from James’s touch or push him away. James took it as a sign of progress at least.

            “Why’re you back?” Silver asked quietly. “You have Thomas back, what more could you want?” There was a small tremor in Silver’s voice and his face looked as young as James sometimes forgot that Silver actually was.

            “You.” Best to keep it simple and blunt. James was tired of dancing around what he truly wanted to say. He was tired of being careful. No more misunderstandings.

            Silver’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth but then closed it. “But…” he hesitated, and his eyes flicked to where James’s thumb still rested against the corner of his mouth where the bruising was the worst. “You hate me.”

            “I never hated you, John,” James said, his voice quiet as he spoke John’s name. “Was I fucking pissed at you? Of course. Did I want to throttle you? Yeah. But I could _never_ bring myself to hate you for it.”

            Silver leaned into James’s touch and his eyes flickered down to James’s mouth, a small furrow forming between his brows. James had just started to lean down when someone walked in. “There you are.” It was Thomas.

            James immediately straightened up and pulled his hand away from Silver’s face as if he’d been burned. He folded both his hands behind his back as if that would erase what Thomas had clearly already seen.

            “Did I-?” Thomas asked and bit his lip.

            James said no in the same moment that Silver said yes. They glanced at each other and then James was saying yes at the same moment that Silver was saying no.

            “Clear as mud,” Thomas said and glanced between the two of them.

            “We can talk later,” James said quickly to Silver, his fingers itching to reach out and touch again, but he refrains and just gives him a nod. Then he left before Thomas or Silver could protest.

…..

             Thomas hated that he’d obviously interrupted a breakthrough between the two of them. Especially since afterwards they both resolutely decided to avoid and ignore the other. Thomas expressed his frustration with the pair to Madi and she agreed.

            “They’re both so stupid for such intelligent men,” Madi said and rolled her eyes. Thomas laughed at that and she smiled in return.

            “James has always been bad at this. He’s always so unsure of himself,” Thomas mused. “My wife, Miranda, was always the one to navigate these situations with ease. She always knew just what to say or what to do to push people towards what would make them happy.” Thomas sighed heavily. “I think you two would have gotten along famously.” Thomas quirked a smile.

            “Perhaps in another life,” Madi mused just as wistfully as Thomas had. “But for now, it falls to us to get them to speak to each other. I… I had an idea, but it might be a bit drastic.”

            “Tell me about it?” Thomas asked and tipped his head in her direction.

            He loved the spark in her eye as she began to speak.

…..

            “Might I have a moment, Mr. Silver?” Thomas asked as he slipped inside John’s home as if he were openly invited. John felt extremely perturbed at the image of Thomas Hamilton- McGraw now, John supposed- at his dining room table, but he nodded mutely despite his discomfort. “I wondered if we might talk about James.”

            “I told you I don’t have anything to say,” John said stiffly.

            “And I told you that I find that to be- pardon my language- horseshit.” Thomas pinned him with very blue eyes that had Silver swallowing thickly. He hadn’t felt so small since he was a child. John slammed the door on those memories before they had a chance to have new life breathed into them.

            “What do you want, Mr. McGraw?” John asked sharply.

            “I want you and James to work through whatever it is that has broken between the pair of you. I don’t care if you can’t fix it, but you should damn well try.” The self-righteousness and posh sound of Thomas’s voice grated on John’s nerves. “He adores you. Do you understand that?” Thomas’s careful composure was starting to slip away. “Even after whatever you’ve done to him, whatever you said or did, he _loves_ you.”

            John’s heartbeat picked up in his chest and seemed to thrum through his whole body. “He loves _you_. We were just…” Suddenly the word that he’d chosen escaped him. Friends? No that seemed to be a cheap word for what they were. Partners? It was closer but sounded too much like something else. Brothers certainly wasn’t right.

            “Here’s a bit of information about James that you don’t know,” Thomas said patiently, “he has more than enough love in him to go around.” Thomas’s eyes seemed to bore into John’s very soul and John did squirm a little under the intensity of it. “Talk to him, Mr. Silver.” Thomas stood and was gone before John had a chance to protest.

…..

            Madi had had enough with the two of them. It had been over a month since John had come to the island and nearly a week since Thomas had spoken to him about Flint. She would try her way now.

            She caught Flint before he headed out to work with the building crew. “Flint,” she said and threw an arm around his waist.

            “Madi,” he said and gave her a small smile. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

            “I’ve been looking at our sailing routes and I wondered if there was some shorter, faster route. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind coming to my rooms tonight and giving me your opinion?” She asked and if she bat her eyelashes at him a little, no one would have to know.

            He studied her face for a long time before nodding. “I can do my best,” Flint said and traced his thumb over her jaw before letting his hand drop.

            “Perfect. Tonight, after the sun has gone down.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before letting her arm drop from his waist. He nodded resolutely with a small smile.

            “I’ll be there.”

            “Thank you, Flint.” She turned, her skirts swishing about her legs, before going off to put the second part of her plan into motion.

…..

            Madi found John helping the cooks and she couldn’t help but admire him as he worked with her people. She caught his elbow when she knew he was doing more gossiping than helping. “I’m afraid I must steal my husband away from you.” John’s smile was small and fragile as she took his hand and led him away. They walked for a little while before Madi spoke again. “I want to see you. After dinner tonight.”

            John’s breath caught, she heard it, but she didn’t turn to look at him, and his grip on her hand tightened marginally.

            “You’re sure?” John asked, his voice tight.

            “I am.” Madi looked over at him and tugged him in closer. “I love you, John Silver. Don’t forget that.” She kissed him and she felt the shudder that wracked his body for a moment before he moved to kiss her more fervently than before. She pulled back and pulled her hand free from his to press it against his chest. “Tonight.”

            “I’ll be there.”

            “See that you are.” She gave him a coy wink and she got a deep satisfaction at flush that colored his neck.

…..

            James could admit that he was distracted as he bid Thomas goodnight, hoping that Thomas wouldn’t wait up for him since God only knew how long James and Madi would be at it, and trudged his way up the path towards where Madi was waiting. He was thinking about a great many things. He was thinking about the house back in the colonies, he was thinking about the next stage of building that the Maroons were discussing, and he was thinking about Silver. Nothing in particular about Silver, just the man himself. James was, in fact, debating very heatedly with himself about finally breaking down and just _talking_ with Silver as he climbed the rickety steps that lead to Madi’s door.

            So deep in his own thoughts was he that he didn’t register the noise that was emanating from Madi’s- admittedly very open- bedroom until it was too late.

            The first thing to catch his attention was Madi. She was completely bare, her hair pulled over her shoulder so that her entire back was on perfect display, as she- obviously and expertly- rode Silver. Her skin shone with sweat that caught the light of the clusters of candles that were on her rickety bedside table and the chest of drawers. Her dark skin was highlighted with gold as she moved slowly above him. The fluidity of her muscles moving naturally drew James’s eyes downward to where she and Silver were joined.

            He felt his cheeks and neck get hot as he watched the slide of Silver’s cock as it disappeared and reappeared almost as if in slow-motion due to the pace that Madi was clearly setting. Silver’s hands, broad palms with long almost delicate fingers, roamed restlessly over Madi’s leg and then up her back.

            The second thing to catch his attention were the _noises_ that were being pulled from John Silver’s mouth. He was moaning as if he were dying, as if his very soul was being pulled out of him via his cock.

            James was a little ashamed to feel heat pooling in his groin and of the way his cock twitched with interest at the sound of John Silver completely given over to passion. A part of James’s brain- the part that was still functioning- wondered if he would be able to make John moan like that, or if it would sound different.

            He nearly jumped out of his skin when Madi turned her head to look at him over her shoulder and fucking _smiled_ at him. It was a quicksilver grin that seemed more appropriate on Silver’s face than on Madi’s. It struck him like a bolt of lightning.

            She’d planned for this to happen.

            She let out a shocked gasp and James didn’t even have to be able to see to know that one of Silver’s hands had gone to give extra attention to the most sensitive spot on a woman’s body. Madi dipped down to kiss Silver and when she broke away and got off of him, James took a step back. But she didn’t bring attention to him standing inside the doorway, she just shifted Silver so that instead of her back obscuring him, James would see all of him.

            And there was much to see that James didn’t know where to look first.

            James had seen Silver shirtless before. It just came with the territory of being in closed quarters with a large group of men. This felt different though. Now John seemed to glow golden in a way that he didn’t during those other times. And clearly James hadn’t been paying attention to the defined but soft lines of Silver’s muscles standing out in stark juxtaposition to the sharp jut of his delicate bones underneath it all.

            And then of course there was Silver’s cock.

            James felt like he’d swallowed his tongue as he took in Silver’s body and then, when Silver tipped his head back, his face. His eyes were shut tightly, so he thankfully wasn’t aware of James’s presence, and his mouth was open as he panted and arched into Madi.

            James snapped out of whatever spell had been binding him to watch the couple and he silently bolted from the room. He paused as the cool air outside hit his overheated skin and he closed his eyes. He could still hear the sharp sound of their skin meeting, and Silver’s moans- fucking _screams_ would have been closer to accurate- of pleasure mingling with Madi’s. He wanted to cover his ears to block it all out.

            He grit his teeth and took a step back towards where he and Thomas had been staying. He hesitated only because he knew that Thomas would be able to see how… effected he was by what he’d seen. He couldn’t go back there then. But he couldn’t stay either. There was a sharp shout and then a ringing silence that made James’s skin prickle. He needed to leave, and he needed to leave now.

            He moved before his mind had decided where to go and he found himself walking down the worn path to the river. Perhaps he needed to cool down for a while before he would force himself to face Thomas.

            He wasn’t ashamed of his reaction to Silver. Not really.

            But he did know that he’d intruded upon a private moment because of Madi’s orchestrations and most likely without Silver’s knowledge or consent. That part most certainly bothered him.

            James found a place to sit so he could try and grasp at his scrambling thoughts and put them into some semblance of order.

            He’d known that he had feelings for Silver. He wasn’t stupid and he could hardly deny them. They just were. Had a part of him perhaps appreciated Silver’s physical appearance, of course. James wasn’t blind. He knew that Silver was attractive, and he’d given the other a few appreciative glances over their partnership- perhaps even before he’d decided against killing the little shit who’d stolen the schedule. So there was sexual attraction as well. It was normal. Healthy.

           But a part of him was unsure of crossing that boundary with Silver. It’d been hard enough to buck up the courage to have sex with Thomas for the first time all those years ago. And then there was Thomas to consider in all of this. Thomas was amicable to James being in love with and reconciling with Silver, but that didn’t necessarily mean that Thomas would agree to James fucking him.

            He pushed a hand through his hair and leaned down to splash some of the cool water over his face and neck. He would simply have to talk to Thomas. Plainly and without holding anything back.

            But not tonight.

             It was late and if James had any luck whatsoever, Thomas would be asleep by now. James sighed wearily and stood. His arousal had died somewhat with his musings and he just felt tired as he made his way back to the camp.

…..

            John traced a mindless pattern into the skin of Madi’s shoulder as they both caught their breath. He let his eyes slide shut for a moment as he willed his heartbeat to slow. He opened his eyes when her hand brushed against his cheek. She was tucking a wayward curl behind his ear. She leaned in and kissed him so softly that John couldn’t help the small sound that was pulled from his throat.

            “I want you to know something,” Madi hummed as she pressed kisses into his neck and then his shoulder.

            “What?” John mumbled and tilted his head to look at her. Her face was no longer playful and teasing as it had been earlier. It was intent and serious. John’s heartbeat, having started to settle, now kicked up again in panic.

            “That if you wanted to be with Flint, I would not be angry with you.” She looked at him with her gentle, dark eyes and just watched his face. He tried to give nothing away, but he was so fucked out that he couldn’t help but be cracked open for her inspection. He swallowed thickly and hated how tears pricked at his eyes. “I would not make you choose between us.”

            There was a veiled jab in there at him, he knew, but he was too tired to fight with her. And he didn’t want to anymore. Fighting had always been more of her and Flint’s forte.

            “He doesn’t want me, Madi,” John said quietly.

            “You are many things, John Silver,” Madi said and propped herself up on her arms so she could look at him properly, “but blind is not one of them. You know just as well as I do that Flint has been in love with you for quite some time.”

            “If he loves me so much, then why doesn’t he just come out and say it?” John asked, frustrated. Everyone seemed so sure that Flint had been hiding such grand feelings for him, and while John would admit that they were friends and that John himself had feelings for his former captain, there had never been any indication of reciprocation. And if John Silver was anything, it was a cautious man.

            “Why don’t you?” Madi challenged right back, raising an eyebrow.

            John’s mouth opened and closed for a moment before he realized he didn’t have an answer for that, and he just snapped his mouth shut.

            “I want you to be happy,” Madi said, her voice softening as she caressed his cheek and tilted his face so that he was looking at her. “You don’t have to keep punishing yourself.” She kissed him and he felt the tears burning at the back of his throat. “If we forgive you, you must learn to forgive yourself.”

            “Do you forgive me?” John asked, his voice scratchy with unshed tears.

            Madi took a breath. “I’m starting to.”

John couldn’t help but let the tears fall then.

…..

            Thomas was finished coddling James. James had come home from what Thomas knew damn well was a set up on Madi’s part and James had receded even further into himself than he had before.

            “Do you love him?” Thomas demanded suddenly at breakfast.

            “Pardon?” James asked, blinking from where he’d been thumbing through a book Madi had lent him.

            “Do you love John?”

            “Thomas-”

            “Do. You. Love. Him?” Thomas asked through gritted teeth.

            “…yeah,” James said, ducking his head and staring at the table.

            Then go fucking so something about it or Madi and I are going to lock the pair of you up until you just fuck and get it over with!” Thomas snapped. There was a long silence where James just stared at him blankly and Thomas worried that he’d been too harsh. “Too far, love?” Thomas asked tentatively.

            “Perhaps a tad,” James said, and his cheeks and ears colored. “But I rather think I liked the swearing.”

            Thomas cracked a smile and he got up and moved to seat himself in James’s lap. His husband’s hands immediately came up to steady him. “Listen to me, James McGraw.” Thomas locked eyes with James and cradled his face tenderly. “I didn’t come all the way down to these bloody islands for you to squander your chance at complete happiness just because you’re unfoundedly worried about being rejected.” Thomas kissed him smack on the mouth and then pulled back. “So, go.” Thomas stood and gestured to the door emphatically.

            James tensed but he did as he was told. On his way out he paused and looked at the two dusty swords that were hanging from a nail next to the doorway. He picked them both up and walked out.

            “Well,” Thomas said to himself softly. “He’ll either make love to him or murder him. Either way there’s a resolution.”

…..

            John was eating breakfast with Madi when Flint stepped up and nodded over his shoulder. “Fancy having a go?” Flint asked and held up the swords that Flint had used to teach John how not to die. “For old times’ sake?”

            John glanced at Madi and then nodded. “Suppose it can’t hurt.” He grabbed his crutch, knowing that he’d have to remove the boot to be any good, before kissing Madi swiftly on the mouth and following after Flint.

            They walked up the familiar and winding way out to the cliffs and when they got there they fell into their old routine as if it had been three days ago instead of three years. John unbuckled and set the boot aside before getting himself up and leaning on his crutch.

            “Any particular reason you wanted to do this besides nostalgia?” John asked as Flint handed him a sword.

            “I thought we could work some things out. Productively this time,” Flint said, and his eyes flickered to where the bruise on his face had once been.

            John merely hummed as he adjusted his grip so that it was the way Flint had taught him. Shortly after he’d found his equilibrium with the weapon in his hand once more, Flint began.

            They were both rather out of practice, but Flint was still much more elegant and graceful with his movements than John. John felt the sharp sting of Flint hitting him with the flat of the blade more than once before John reoriented himself and began to improve.

            John held up a hand and moved to sit, his leg aching terribly from the now unfamiliar movements. He sat heavily and rubbed at the sweat on his face. Flint sat down beside him and there was a contented quiet between them instead of the tense silence of the last few weeks.

            “I loved you, you know,” Flint said, not looking over at John at all, just keeping his eyes on the waves.

            “I do now,” John said quietly. “I think I was too preoccupied at the time to realize.” Then his brain caught up to the exact phrasing of Flint’s sentence. “Wait… _loved_?” John’s voice was almost nervous.

            “Love,” Flint corrected easily. “I still do, don’t worry.” He smiled then and looked over at John. John couldn’t help but snort a little as if dismissing the notion.

            John sat for a long time and tried to put words to everything that was locked up inside his head and inside his heart. “I was scared,” John admitted and looked down at his lap. “To lose Madi, to lose you,” John glanced over and then when he met Flint’s eyes immediately looking back to his lap. “I’d already known loss in my life that I wanted- finally- to have something different. I wanted to have love and a place that I could think of as home.” John twisted the ring he’d decided to consider his wedding ring around his finger. “I couldn’t think of a world where I had that without either of you.”

            Flint just nodded and they both turned their eyes back to the ocean.

            “You know Thomas and Madi have threatened to lock us up until we work through everything and fuck, right?” Flint’s voice was tinged with amusement.

            “I did not know that,” John said with a small burst of laughter.

            “Thomas told me so,” Flint said. “But I’m not sure we’re quite there yet.” John looked over at him and saw Flint watched him carefully.

            “Someday,” John breathed, and he meant it. He wanted it. He’d certainly thought about it enough times. Flint nodded, seeming satisfied with that answer.

            “Someday,” Flint agreed. “But does that mean that I can’t kiss you? Tell you every day how much I love you?”

            John’s breath caught in his throat. “Thomas and Madi…”

            “Will continue to be in the picture in any way that they feel comfortable,” Flint said. “Stop deflecting, John.”

            It struck John that that was the first time that he could remember where Flint had called him by his first name. “I think… I think I’d like that,” John said quietly. “But only if I’m allowed the same thing, James.” The name felt strange on his tongue in reference to his former captain, but it also felt like a new start.

            Flint smiled at that and he leaned in to brush his nose against John’s. “I can’t say I have any complaint.” Then they were kissing, and John felt something within him settle into place. It was a small shift, something that he could have perhaps overlooked if he hadn’t already known that something was wrong, but it felt monumentally important that it happened.

            Flint pulled back first, his fingers toying with the end of one of John’s curls as John clutched at the loose fabric of Flint’s shirt. “I love you,” John said and pressed his forehead against Flint’s.

            “And I forgive you for what you did,” Flint said. John let out a sigh of relief and let his eyes slip shut. He just let himself soak in the feeling of the warm sun beating down on them, the smell of the salt on the cool breeze, and Flint’s hands, one cradling his cheek and the other smoothing over his ribs.

            John felt content and he could tell, once he opened his eyes and pulled away far enough to look into Flint’s, that Flint did too. He kissed him again, just because he could and he wanted to, before covering the hand on his cheek. “We should get back, we need to talk to Thomas and Madi and see how all of this will work out,” John said.

            “In a bit, I just want to enjoy the moment.” John rolled his eyes fondly but when Flint’s hands fell away so that he could stretch on out on his back, John joined him and settled his head underneath Flint’s chin comfortably. And that was where Madi and Thomas found them later, carrying lunch.

            “Thought you two might have done each other in by now,” Thomas said as he took the food from Madi so she could sit down in the soft grass.

            “Not yet,” Flint said without opening his eyes. John figured he’d been dozing for at least the last few minutes. He didn’t look inclined to be disturbed either.

            “I’ll take it as a success then,” Madi said and poked at John’s shoulder with her foot.

            “Yes,” John said and tugged at her ankle playfully, grinning. She kicked him sharply and he scowled at her. Thomas tsked softly but didn’t interject. “Until we find something else to fight about.”

            “He _is_ incredibly annoying,” Flint said without missing a beat. John scoffed as Thomas and Madi burst into laughter. Flint cracked a smile and finally opened his eyes.

“What happened to telling me you love me every day?” John asked feigning hurt.

            “I have to temper it with something, or you’d be insufferable,” Flint said and leaned up to kiss him. John wanted to argue but he just decided it was hardly worth upsetting his newfound peace. He grumbled, just to let Flint know that he was displeased and not giving in to that assessment of his character, before sitting up and shuffling towards where Thomas had set out the food.

            “There’s still so much to talk about,” John reminded them.

            “And it will keep,” Flint said as he finally got up and moved to join their circle, sitting between Thomas and John contentedly. “For now, just enjoy it, John.”

And they did.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all this took forever but I'm so proud of it!!! I hope y'all like it but tell me what you think in the comments. I live for VALIDATION  
> -James


End file.
